Fiction

★Rubber Boy and Bouncy In The 121st Century

Leeches

Black Planet Leeches were almost at Earth. Black Planet spacecraft had reached Pluto and were decelerating.

“It has taken 10,000 years to reach Planet Earth,” said Paul.

“Yes,” said Gargan. “We don’t have warp drives on our spacecraft. Our technology is not good enough. That’s why it took so long.”

“You are right,” said Paul. He lit a cigarette and started to smoke. They were almost out of cigarettes after 10,000 years. Paul would miss them when they were gone.

“You are Paul, hereditary leader of the Black Planet Leeches,” said Gargan.

“I know that,” said Paul.

Rubber Boy And Bouncy

Rubber Boy and Bouncy had spacesuits on and were in space. Rubber Boy was old. He was no longer a boy, but was still called Rubber Boy because his name was Rubber Boy. Bouncy was not old but Bouncy was a robot. The real Bouncy had died over 9990 years ago because dogs don’t live that long, not even rubber dogs.

“Prepare to fire rubber torpedoes,” said Rubber Boy.

“Bark Bark!” said Bouncy. “Rough Rough!”

Rubber Boy was smoking a cigarette inside his spacesuit. Earth had advanced spacesuits by that time, so you could smoke in them. He started coughing like crazy. He was old as hell and his face was all wrinkled.

Earth In The 121st Century

Everybody smoked cigarettes in the 121st century because they were sick of television. Earth had the worst television programs in the galaxy, so almost no one came there from other planets anymore.

Earth cigarettes had opium and heroin in them now, which was different from before.

Invasion

Black Planet spacecraft dived towards Earth.

“We will wipe out humans with Disintegration Rays,” said Paul. “We are evil.”

“We will take over Earth, and live there,” said Gargan. “Because our planet, the Black Planet, is all messed up from pollution and drugs.”

“That is true,” said Paul. “Now prepare to fire Dis--”

Death Of Paul

“Fire rubber torpedoes!” said Rubber Boy. They were hiding behind the moon with the Colossal Rubber Torpedo Launcher, so Black Planet Leeches failed to detect them.

Rubber torpedoes zoomed towards Black Planet spacecraft.

“Rubber torpedoes are deadly, because they are made from radioactive rubber, and have nails in them,” explained Rubber Boy.

“Rough!” said Bouncy.

Then rubber torpedoes smashed into Black Planet spacecraft. Leeches were screaming, but no one could hear the screaming, not even other Leeches. Sound waves cannot travel far in space. Soon all Leeches were dead from lack of oxygen and radioactivity, and having nails driven through their heads.

“I am dead,” said Paul. He was the last Black Planet Leech to say anything.

V For Victory

“Earth is saved,” said Rubber Boy. “But I am too old. I can’t stand it anymore. I will die here in space now.”

“Bark!” said Bouncy. He was concerned for Rubber Boy.

“It’s okay,” said Rubber Boy. “It won’t hurt. Take the Ultra Mega Ultraphone, which is the last kind of Ultraphone to be invented. Go back in time. You can live with Psychic Girls, who love you. Tell them I said Hi.”

“Rough,” said Bouncy. He was crying robot tears.

Next: The Encyclopedia Ultraphonica

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